 |
Awakening
Ice shatters.
She blinks in the sunshine.
Warming, blinding,
Feels as if she had been frozen
To be thawed for later use,
like chicken parts,
Feels the cracking ice
in her heart,
Starts
to wiggle her fingers,
wriggle her toes.
Feeling floods her senses.
She is weeping.
Feels soft, spongey, wet.
Misses the strength of her frozen state.
There is an unfamiliar sound.
It is her voice,
and she is singing.
For many years I have let my essential creativity lie dormant, hidden under the hustle/bustle of working, moving, fitting in, moving again, working, moving. I have been frozen and thawed half a dozen times, but this thaw is the one where I will set down root, blossom in the spring, and stay creative during the harder times.
As I grow older, I become less and less willing to compromise for money. I still need money -- paying off a debt, need to contribute to the mortgage and bills, would like to buy more art supplies. But I am no longer willing to commit to the kowtow of minimum wage jobs and the bottom rung of the office ladder. I am not interested in ladders (unless they are for reaching the top of the tangerine tree). I may need to temporarily work in less than ideal situations, but I will never strive to make them accept me again...because I just don't fit into the corporate or academic administrative world. And I am happier for it.
Have you ever felt that your essential self was frozen? How did you find your thawing point? And where will you go now?
I don't have a choice about getting a "regular job," my body simply won't let me. However, I know exactly what you mean. I'm in the process of outlining a novel, and I know these days, there are many more ways of getting your work published than there used to be; brick and mortar publishers, e-books, self-publishing, and I just found out from a very smart friend that you can simply put the work in a PDF file, (or something like that) and publish it on your own website! Quite frankly, I'm seriously playing with that idea. According to Writers Digest and other sources, big time publishers don't promote their work anymore; the author is expected to do much of their own promotions.
ReplyDeleteThat, and I"m not sure how well I want to play their game. I'm not sure I want somebody judging my work based on what will sell the most, rather than what will make people think. On the other hand, as you say, I still have bills to pay. Oh dear! What a conundrum. (Now there's a fun word; try saying it three times fast.)
Hey Marly, I've been buying henna books as .pdf files from personal websites for years -- it's a method that works.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm doing an editing project for a publisher and part of the author handbook stipulates that the author must do the publication --- well, heck, why bother with the publishing company when you can do print-on-demand and get the same results -- or just sell e-books. (Of course, as an editor, I just get my little fee for tons of work...but it's a start...)